I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
