It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
