Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
