also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
