The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
