I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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