not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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