sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize