We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
