I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
