Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
