I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
