You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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