Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
