Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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