just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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