Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
