Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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