I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
