M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
