seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
