Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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