I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
