I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
