i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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