we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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