And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
