you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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