I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
