Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize