I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
