dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
