textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
