lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
