So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
