Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
