No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
