Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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