I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
