I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
