He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize