So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
