Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
