so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
