It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
