Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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