Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
