I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
