my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
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