Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
