Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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