If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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