but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
