i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
