this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
