Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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