come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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