Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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