dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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