i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize